K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love, then comes marriage,
Then comes baby in a baby carriage"
This was a classic poem I remember hearing while I was still in childhood. Unfortunately, and unavoidably I suppose, this poem was usually brought up, as I also remember, as a means to instigate something (usually unpleasant). The use of this poem rarely reflected what the last two lines should do more than imply with most relationships involved with sensuality. More could be picked apart from it.
Love, though, seems to be one of the most misunderstood concepts in my life today. Brought down to the modern English definition, it is described as affection. Strong or not, affection is how love is described. I wish it was more than that, because the last relationship I had encountered a moment when a dog was able to show someone else more affection, physically, than I could humanly do myself. If love is just affection, then even animals are capable of giving such in sparity.
I'm more convinced that an inward build up, like a nuclear fusion engine has been my drive for love that is more. This has been since close to twenty years ago, I had my first crush. I had been smitten by my Second Grade teacher. The one woman then, besides my mom, that could get me both to sit still and keep quiet long enough to think about something and actually learn more about it than I hadn't already known. There was no way of my knowing that I would manifest such behavior at that age, nor also manifest the ugly side of envy that both destroyed a friendship, as well as gave me conviction enough less than a year later to consider the possibility as well as need for Christ in my life at such a young age.
Since then, I can read words that speak to my heart, mind, and soul as to what I really want out of love. "Love bears all things," so Paul writes. Well, then I am sure that true love does more than bear with shortcomings, yet also with real situations that need more than words or emotions to control further decisions.
"Love..., believes all things." What Paul means by this is that love is more than believing in space aliens, Santa Clause, and the Easter bunny, either as real or myth. Believing in all things, for me, is believing that not only is relationship possible outside of friendship, so is a lasting relationship that I and others will do more than know the what-to-dos as well as keep clear of the do-nots of a real relationship.
"Love..., hopes in all things." Hopes and dreams can be very different in any time of life, or between different people. For me, a hope that is in all things is one that not only hopes for the best, but hopes for the best out of the worst, in any given case. Another thing I felt from my last relationship was a hope that merely was in me graduating from college within six months, getting a boat load of cash, and figuring out why the book called "The Five Love Languages" was even written. The tragedy was not in any failure to prove the worth of her hope, but rather that there was no hope she had beyond me obtaining these things in terms of our relationship.
"Love..., endures all things." Enduring all things is still deeper than merely enduring through hard times. Enduring can mean lasting out the negative signs of changing one's behavior. Enduring is not merely outlasting an argument, seeing who will cave first in apologizing, or forgiving. Enduring also is not going through an argument just to see how normal things can return to. Enduring in love can be compared with a sort of stockholdsyndrome that encorporates all the other things that love does, aside from the dos and don'ts. It feels incredibly unhealthy at first, like my childhood inoculations (that, yes, sorry to nurses everyhwere, it still doesn't get easier with age), yet also after my first season of Cross Country back in 2002, I had grown to become accustomed to running in a way I never had before. More can be said, but I'm sure anyone who begins to understand this no longer needs to take my word for it.
Reading about love in this way now, after all these years, I have some very real things to say. I want this love. I want this love more than my next shower. I want it more than my next walk to a park bench. I want this love more than my next cup of coffee, or even my next meal. I want this love more than my next bike ride to work, or my next college course. I want this love before I ever write a song again. I want this love more than finishing my second read through the bible (this year). I want this love more than a chance to see the new Star Wars movie, in any movie theater at all.
Before I ever say "I love you" again, I want this love. Before I contemplate the word "aishiteru" again, or use the phrase "Je'tem" ever again (even if to tease) I want this love.
Perhaps more than this mere desire of mine is why it took an apostle to write about love in this way, and of all the apostles, Paul. Maybe just for people like me, two words Paul uses after saying love is greater than both faith and hope are like a command that I cannot ignore; "Pursue love."
